Push Picks x NOV 17 17

Today’s Push Picks has been postponed on account of the series of unfortunate events that is my life since moving to Colorado. 

Maybe that’s dramatic. I’ve been told I’m dramatic. But I have never had luck like this. Bad luck, I mean.

Here’s a snapshot of my last month and a half out west: a bike accident, an ambulance ride, thirteen stitches, antibiotics, a broken finger, a nasty cold, a car accident, a ticket, a court date, a rental car, a tow ticket, sheisty insurance reps, lost car keys, a nastier cold, and two incorrect paychecks.

I mean, I probably shouldn’t leave the house, right?

Maybe I came on too strong. Did I come on too strong, Colorado? I picked you, but maybe you didn’t pick me? I called you a fresh start—an adventure, an opportunity—but maybe you knew I used you as an excuse? An escape?

On Wednesday night I had a dream. I was back in Tampa visiting my old agency and all my friends were there. The office was different; brighter, louder, livelier. There was a celebration happening but I don’t remember the reason. I moved through crowds of people from one section of the office to another. Giant, beautiful graffiti murals decorated every inch of every wall. People cheered and embraced and carried on. And no one saw me or acknowledged me. I remember looking for my friend, Tim. I could sense the energy but I couldn’t interact with it. I worried about not having a visitor badge but figured everyone knew me anyway. Lights flashed and I woke up before I found Tim. 

It felt strange. I felt like I was looking at what I had given up when I moved to Colorado. Did I make the right choice? Picking up and leaving? Did I jump ship a little too soon?

Thursday morning, after my dream, I received an email from my old agency saying they were going to terminate my company email address for security purposes. Since I had finished my itty bitty freelance work, I was finished with the agency. Once and for all.

I cried.

I let it out because, while I was awake, I felt like she has finished my dream. I’m not just on a long vacation out here. I moved here. And I’m really done working there. I’ll probably be replaced in the next month or two.

Florida has cut ties with me, and Colorado is trying its hardest, too.


But also…honest. Where do I fit in? When will I fit in? Where’s the light? Who’s going to shine it?

Let’s have a good Friday.

Push on, PUSH ANIMALS >>>

5 Replies to “Push Picks x NOV 17 17”

  1. Ugh I’m sorry this move has been so rocky thus far. I know there are SO many good things about starting over but it’s also hard when it feels like everything is working against you. I also have that feeling about my old agency. It’s really sad to go back and visit because it’s exactly like the dream you had. It feels like everyone around you has moved on and you don’t really belong anymore. I always have a hard time visiting Baltimore for that reason. BUT Colorado WILL get easier, and when you go back to Florida to visit, the people who used to be a huge part of your life WILL be happy to see you. Hang in there ❤

    1. I read this whole thing and totally cried. Thank you for being so amazing and such an incredible friend ❤ Every single word you said meant so much to me. Things will get better. I know it. ❤ Hope you are doing great!

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