An RD I follow started turning her blog posts into podcasts. Essentially, she reads the post she wrote, in a conversational way, and expands on things she wrote about. She’s thoughtful, wise for her age, her voice is soothing, and I could listen to her talk about literally anything, even things I can’t relate to like pregnancy, motherhood, or religion.
Yesterday—she posts every Tuesday—her podcast was a “five thoughts” sorta deal. She talked about the coffee she likes, a meal or recipe source she is enjoying, and her experience with choosing not to participate in religious fasting. I liked that idea, so…I’m doing one today. Except I’m incorporating things into my thoughts.
1. This thread about having—and not having—kids started by Amelia Boone. I relate to every word in her post. I’m single, not married, and I have vehemently denied wanting kids for as long as I can remember. Even when I was in a relationship, I never felt a calling to one day become a mother. Kids freak me out. I’m uncomfortable around babies. I get anxious when they cry. I am constantly afraid they’re going to get me sick. They’re expensive. But this past year, when I realized I’m staring down the last few years of being able to have healthy babies…I panicked. I started rethinking everything. Time suddenly started feeling like it was moving more quickly, and I pictured the rest of my adult life childless and alone. I mean, that’s dark, right? But Amelia’s point about, as a woman, having the decision taken away from you simply because you’re getting older is scary. And is it still a meaningful pursuit to have children as a single mother? I think this whole idea has been floating in the back of my mind for a while, but confronting it and processing it recently has been a lot. Anyone else?
2. In a complete departure from the previous thought…look at this purple sticky rice! I heard about it through a cooking show on YouTube—can’t quite remember which one—and it looks so fun. What’s more fun than purple rice, honestly? AKA: what can keep Lindsay’s mind off the existential dread of dying single and alone. There it is.
3. I love Leandra Medine Cohen, formerly of Repeller, formerly Man Repeller. The layers! Leandra, founder of Man Repeller which morphed into just Repeller before shutting down for good last year, is one of my favorite people to follow on Instagram. Now that MR/R is no more, I don’t know and I’m not sure anyone knows what she does for work these days. Maybe she doesn’t need to work! But every once in a while, she’ll post these looooooong Instagram story feeds that, well, tell a story or give some insight into her everyday life or offer a thread of a thought she’s digested and decided to share. She’ll post photos of her twin girls in adorable, and sometimes matching, outfits. Sometimes it’s a candle she bought with an introspective thought or feeling boiled down into a few words. Sometimes it’s a conversation like this that grabs your heart for a few seconds, gives you something to chew on for a few days. In the beginning of the pandemic, she would share voice notes that she’d record while taking a walk in the city or sitting in a dark corner of her Manhattan apartment. Again—a thoughtful woman I could listen to even if she just read me the phone book.
4. Eating more was the best thing ever I’ve done for myself and for my relationships. And I don’t say that lightly because this is a heavy topic. It’s personal and it’s nuanced. I wrote that down in my Notes app while on a walk one afternoon. I was reflecting on my month in Florida, about how much better I felt physically, mentally and emotionally around my family, around food, and around exercise. I felt a freedom I haven’t known or entertained since high school. I think I’m going to write a longer post about this idea and how, because of this freedom, my priorities in life have naturally shifted.
5. A reminder for you.
BONUS thing. Orange and pink sunrise runs. We were blessed with temperatures in the mid-40s this morning, so I was up and out the door early to enjoy a trail run. This never, ever gets old and makes my day 1000% better.
What’s a thing you’re loving lately? A thought you’ve had?